I’ve done some slutty things for free cake.

I was going to blog about the million-dollar-idea I had, which was to remake the classic holiday song, “All I Want for Christmas is You” into “All I Want for Christmas is Food.

BUT GUESS WHAT:
(You don’t have to watch it.  Really.  Don’t watch it.  Just know that it exists.)

So instead, I’m gonna write a song about what you don’t want your *~*~*CrUsH*~*~* to say to you when you’re groping each other under the **MiStLeToE**!!1!11!eleventy!1!

You should take it to heart, cause I’ve done some slutty things for free cake.

None of my mackin' outs have been anything like this.

Top 6 Things I’m Not Gonna Put In My Song About Making Out Under the Mistletoe (That I Have Heard Firsthand Whilst Making Out, But Not Necessarily Under the Mistletoe):

1) Things get caught in your teeth like a dreamcatcher–for food.
2) LOOK AT YOU, PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU FROM SPACE RIGHT NOW!
3) Stop that. You sound like a piggy snorting for truffles.
4) AHH–Pizza joint! Why?!
5) Gelatinous nothings. What a fantastic band name.
6) Nakedness is hilarious……..you should try to make me laugh.

I don’t think I’m gonna write a song after all.

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