‘Bumblekee’?

It’s a sort-of-pun.  It’s a combination of my name (Keely), what I do at parties (bumble), and the fact that in 1991 my friends and I killed Macaulay Culkin in the movie My Girl.

This is not a self-help blog; it is a highly self-indulgent one. Bumblekee (the alias and I are now one in the same, much like Thai food and whatever Thai food is being fused with right now) is the product of:

1) post-college graduation lethargy,
2) the fact that I once got 30 comments on a Xanga post in middle school,
3) my dislike of sunshine,
4) a sense of self-worth that first blossomed after winning a Boy Scout Fishing Competition at age 6 (the prize was a Smokey the Bear softball),
5) and the fact that one of my very good friends wrote in my yearbook, “We have had some good times.  I’m sure we have, but I just don’t remember them because all of your wittiness occurs online.”

But why, you ask, should you harken to some random chick who emasculates young Boy Scouts with her natural gift for fishing?  Who ruined your adolescence by killing Tomas J. and then sold Vada’s mood ring for honeymoney?  I will tell you.

These are the top 25 topics I will be writing about from now until whenever:

1) Wistfulness for the Renaissance era, when lack of skin pigment and a tendency to retain water were en vogue.

2) Wearing Birkenstock sandals while still remaining a heterosexual woman.

3) Admitting that said heterosexuality waivers every time a new Emma Stone movie is released.

4) Speaking a foreign language whilst drunk.

5) Pretending to know all the celebrity students who were in your NYU graduating class.

6) Laughing when your guy friend makes a joke about kicking feminists in their ladyballs–and then weeping at Iron Jawed Angels.

7) The perks of having perpetually clammy hands.

8 ) Lying about being a vegetarian.

9) Claiming to know everything a vegan cannot eat.

10 ) Realizing that your thighs will always touch when you stand with your feet together, unlike your one hot Asian friend.

11) Finding yourself unable to resist any man with a well-defined ribcage and evidence of recent drug addiction.

12) Being a hypochondriac.

13) The unavoidable summer pit-stain.

14) Falling in like.

15) Judging people who walk slowly, no matter their age.

16) Faking political awareness.

17) Pretending to know obscure bands.

18) Having a cockeye.

19) An inability to resist baked goods.

20) Coming to terms with your penchant for patchy goatees.

21) Fearing children.

22) A tendency to chafe.

23) Preferring long-distance relationships because you don’t have to share the bed.

24) Mild hysteria.

25) Extreme punctuality.

If you’re into any of that, then you will be into Bumblekee.

3 thoughts on “‘Bumblekee’?

  1. I would type “haha” for every instance that I laughed during this, but imagine for a moment the book, Anna Karina, except take away all the melodramatic Russian romantic bullshit and replace it with “haha.” That is how much I lolled.

  2. When I first started reading today’s post, I was sure the trailer you were going to refer to was the new Muppett movie. I’ll have to say….I was a teeny disappointed. Thanks for the stroke…you knew it was just what I needed. Love you!

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